Episode: 10, Adoption, April 25th, 1980
The script of episode 10, Adoption."





FADE IN: Eastland classroom. The girls are all talking about their family collages for display. Mr. Bradley walks in.

MR. BRADLEY

Girls, Girls, hold it, hold it. As soon as you set your family tree projects up, please take a seat.

TOOTIE

You guys want to see some gorgeous ancestors? (Pointing to her pictures) These are my great grandparents. They had nine children. I donít have to tell you they dug each other!

MR. BRADLEY

Okay (Indicating chalkboard) ďProject RootsĒ. Now, Iím sure you all learned a lot about your families.

SUE ANN

Well, I did, Mr. Bradley. It made me appreciate the hardships my ancestors went through living in Kansas back in 1889.

BLAIR

Living in Kansas today is a hardship.

SUE ANN

Everyone canít be in your shoes, Blair. Walking the streets of New York.

MR. BRADLEY

Uh, girls, girls. (Mr. Bradley walks over to Blairís project, which is a bunch of clothes) What is this, your laundry?

BLAIR

No! Itís my assignment. Iím doing my familyís history through fashion.

MR. BRADLEY

Well, the 1950ís were a great decade, but what about the rest of the century?

BLAIR

Oh, itís coming in a package from my fatherís factory.

MR. BRADLEY

Well, it better be here today. Now each generation is a link in a chain of your heritage. ďSui Generus FidelisĒ.

MOLLY

What does that mean?

TOOTIE

I donít know, but it sounds dirty to me.

MR. BRADLEY

It means that you are the sum total of all your familyís history. (He looks at Natalie, who has no project to display) Natalie, whereís your project?

NATALIE

Uh, I lost it.

MR. BRADLEY

You lost it? You knew it was due today. I could give you an F.

NATALIE

So give me an F. I think it was a dumb project anyway!

(There is a knock at the door)

MR. BRADLEY

Come in.

(Mrs. Garrett comes in with Natalieís project)

MRS. GARRETT

Excuse me, Mr. Bradley.

GIRLS

Hi, Mrs. Garrett!

MRS. GARRETT

Hi, girls! Natalie, you left this in the dorm. Whatís the matter with you? You knew it was due today.

MR. BRADLEY

You said you lost it.

NATALIE

Itís really lousy.

MRS. GARRETT

Oh, itís very good. Itís fascinating your family history. You mind if I stay I while?

(She takes a seat)

MR. BRADLEY

Course n

ot.

NANCY

Natalie, you d

onít look like either of your parents. They both have red hair. MRS. GARRETT

That doesnít mean anything. Sometimes itís best not to look too closely at your ďrootsĒ.

MR. BRADLEY

Oh, this is very unusual. You have blue eyes and both your parents have brown eyes.

NATALIE

Mr. Bradley, do you have to pick on my parentsí eyeballs?

MR. BRADLEY

Well, of course not. This is just very rare when it occurs.

TOOTIE

Hey Nat. Maybe they pulled a switcheroo at the hospital!

(They laugh)

MOLLY

I guess the nurses got bored and played musical babies.

(They Laugh)

NATALIE

(Standing up) Thatís not funny! Itís mean!

TOOTIE

Hey, Nat. We were only kidding.

NATALIE

Well, knock it off! I donít even know if I was born in a hospital!

MR. BRADLEY

Natalie, what are you talking about?

NATALIE

Mr. Bradley, I didnít want to do this project, and I donít want to be in this class!

MRS. GARRETT

Then whatís the matter?

NATALIE

Havenít you all figured it out? This isnít my real family! Iím adopted!

(She runs out of the room)

MRS. GARRETT

Natalie! (She runs out after her) Wait a minute!

CINDY

Adopted?

CUT TO: Dorm room. Natalie is pacing back and forth. Mrs. Garrett comes in)

MRS. GARRETT

Natalie. Why didnít you tell us you were adopted?

NATALIE

I didnít want to talk about it. Working on my family tree just starts all those questions again.

MRS. GARRETT

What questions?

NATALIE

Who my real parents are, what they look like, why they gave me up.

MRS. GARRETT

Natalie, the important thing is that you do have a mother and a father and that they love you very much.

NATALIE

Thatís what they say, but it doesnít help the way I feel.

MRS. GARRETT

How do you feel?

NATALIE

I know who adopted me. Now I want to know who had me. I want to find my real mother.

MRS. GARRETT

Now wait a minute. You just told us ten minutes ago that you were adopted, and now you want to go off a

nd find your real mother? Just wait a minute and let us sort this out a little,

huh? NATALIE

Sure, Mrs. Garrett. Take

all the time you need. MRS. GARRETT Iíll be right back. Donít hire any detectives while Iím gone, huh? (As she reaches the door, the girls rush in) Hi, girls.

BLAIR

Hi, Mrs. Garrett. Iíve never seen Natalie so upset.

MRS. GARRETT

You know it. Iíll be back.

(She leaves. Natalie sits in a chair and the girls crowd around her.)

MOLLY

Did you just find out that you were adopted?

NATALIE

No, Iíd known since I was five.

SUE ANN

Oh, Natalie. Why didnít you tell us you were adopted?

NATALIE

Because I didnít want to be treated any differently.

SUE ANN

Thatís silly! Weíre not going to change the way we treat you.

MOLLY

Sure (Gives her a piece of cake on the dresser) Here, have some cake.

NATALIE

See what I mean? Youíre giving me gifts already. You feel sorry for me.

BLAIR

Natalie, itís your cake.

NATALIE

Oh (Gives a small laugh) Thanks.

TOOTIE

But Natalie, you should have told me you were adopted. Iíve probably been saying some stupid stuff about you without even knowing it.

NATALIE

What do you mean, Tootie?

TOOTIE

Since you didnít know who you are, I could have been insulting you every time I told a Polish joke.

SUE ANN

Tootie!

MOLLY

Do you know who your real parents are?

NATALIE

No.

MOLLY

Thatís not all bad. Sometimes, Iíd like to forget who mine are.

BLAIR

It must be tough every time you bump into someone on the street wondering if they are your real mom or dad.

TOOTIE

Yeah, Nat. Try not bumping into people.

SUE ANN

Tootie! (Taking Tootie to the bed away from Natalie)

BLAIR

I know exactly what youíre going through. The adoption trauma. I saw it all on the Dinah Shore show.

MOLLY

I remember that. They had this woman on there who spent 20 years looking for her real mother. The records were sealed and no one could help her. Dinah couldnít believe it.

BLAIR

All of her clues turned out to be dead ends. Then one day, all of her searching finally paid off. She found her.

NATALIE

She did?

MOLLY

Yeah, on Skid Row.

NATALIE

Skid Row? It took twenty years?

MOLLY

She was one of the lucky ones. Some people spend their whole lives searching and never find a single clue.

NATALIE

Probably hard for a kid my age to track her mother down.

BLAIR

(Brightening up) Not if I were helping you?

NATALIE

What do you mean?

BLAIR

Iíve got connections. Listen, Natalie, do you really want to find your mother?

NATALIE

Well, sure, I guess so.

BLAIR

Thatís all I need to know. My motherís dating a judge who has access to everything.

SUE ANN

Blair, donít go butting in. You think youíre such a big deal! Where would you be without your mother and her big shot boyfriends?

BLAIR

Probably like you dodging cow chips on Sunny Brook Farm. Sue Ann, I happen to be in a position to help Natalie and Iím going to do it.

SUE ANN

Blair, are you nuts? You canít stick you nose into something that can change Natalieís whole life!

BLAIR

Of course I can. What are friends for?

CUT TO: Outside the house. Mr. Bradley and Mrs. Garrett are standing outside. Mr. Bradley is holding a book.

MR. BRADLEY

Will you stop arguing with me? Just give her the book.

MRS. GARRETT

ďCreative adoptionĒ. You think a book is going to solve the problem?

MR. BRADLEY

Well, naturally itís not as good as a talk from me but Iím tied up until 5:00. Now show her the chapter on famous adoptees. Sheíll love the one about Moses in the bulrushes.

MRS. GARRETT

You really want me to hand her the book, do you? You donít understand. Natalie is very, very upset.

MR. BRADLEY

Of course sheís very upset. Her genealogical chain has been broken. Linkus interruptus. MRS. GARRETT

Iíd like to linkus your interruptus. All right, look, I donít want to argue with you, but that girl needs to get more in touch with her feelings. Oh! (She gives the book back to him and goes into the house)

MR. BRADLEY

(Following her inside) Wrong, wrong. Read Chapter 3. Self-pity is a downer.

MRS. GARRETT

I know that!

MR. BRADLEY

Itís not the function at Eastland to coddle children. Itís to prepare them to be strong and independent women.

MRS. GARRETT

Right, but you canít deny painful feelings and just hope they will go away. (She heads up the stairs)

MR. BRADLEY

Donít forget the book (Mrs. Garrett takes it) Now, the pitfall here isnít being too emotional.

MRS. GARRETT

Now, Natalie isnít getting emotional. Sheís just being human!

MR. BRADLEY

You?

MRS. GARRETT

Yes. I am human. Some of us arenít, you know.

(He starts to leave, but the phone rings and he turns to get it)

BLAIR

Iíll get it! (She rushes in)

NANCY

Iíll get it! (She rushes in as well)

MR. BRADLEY

I got it. (He picks up the phone) Eastland School. Judge? Judge who?

BLAIR

Thatís for me, Mr. Bradley.

MR. BRADLEY

Blair Warner! Itís for you. (He gives her the phone. Nancy runs upstairs) Are you in any trouble? (Blair gives him a look) Well, I donít mean ďare you in troubleĒ? What kind of trouble are you in?

BLAIR

No trouble. Heís the judgeÖ. of a beauty contest. (Gets back on the phone with Mr. Bradley staring) Excuse me. (To Mr. Bradley) This is kind of confidential.

MR. BRADLEY

Oh, sure, sure. Judging beauty contests by phone. (He walks off)

BLAIR

Hello, Judge Garfield? Yes, this is Blair Warner. Monica Warnerís daughter. (Pause) Right. Um, remember when you told my mother if she ever needed anything to call? Well, we need something.

CUT TO: Dorm room. Mrs. Garrett comes in. The girls are all sitting on the bed.

MRS. GARRETT

Natalie, IÖ. Oh, forget it (She tosses the book down outside the door)

TOOTIE

What was that noise?

MRS. GARRETT

Oh, I must have dropped a book. Natalie, how are you doing?

NATALIE

Iím kind of confused.

MRS. GARRETT

About finding your mother? Well, listen. The choice is yours. You donít have to make it today.

NATALIE

Mom would feel kind of terrible, would she?

MRS. GARRETT

She sure would. Well, all right. Come on, Natalie. Letís take a walk and rap a little, all right?

(Blair comes in)

BLAIR

I have terrific news! The judge can get us the information we want. Heís calling in an hour with the name of Natalieís real mother!

FADE OUT TO COMMERCIAL

FADE IN: Dorm room. Everyone is crowding around Natalie and talking at the same time.

MRS. GARRETT

Girls! Blair, I want to know exactly whatís going on here.

NATALIE

Didnít you hear? Blairís finding my real mother.

MRS. GARRETT

How?

BLAIR

Easy. I just called the judgeís office, dropped a few important names, and heíll call right back.

MRS. GARRETT

Well, itís not funny, Blair. (Blair starts chatting with Natalie) Blair! What you are doing is very dangerous and I want you to stop it right now!

BLAIR

Mrs. Garrett, Natalieís my friend. I wouldnít do anything to hurt her.

NATALIE

Thatís right, Mrs. Garrett. This is my life, not yours. Blairís doing me a favor by finding my real mother.

MRS. GARRETT

All right, Natalie. Come on. Weíre going to talk this over with Mr. Bradley and your mother. Weíre going to the office right now.

(She and Natalie leave the room)

CUT TO: Living room. Nancy is on the phone. Blair runs downstairs.

BLAIR

Nancy, get off the phone! Iím expecting an important call.

NANCY

This is important!

BLAIR

Iím sorry. I thought you were on the phone with that creep Roger!

NANCY

You Jerk! (Back on phone) She was only kidding, Roger. (Pause) What do you mean, she sounded cute? Iíll call you back later, Bye. (She hangs up and angrily goes upstairs. Blair starts dialing while Tootie walks in)

BLAIR

Iíd better call the Judge. He probably tried to call here while that simp was on the phone with that wimp.

TOOTIE

Huh?

BLAIR

Hello? Uh, Judge Garfield please. Tell him itís Monica Warnerís daughter again. (to Tootie) Heíll probably trip over his robe running to the phone.

TOOTIE

Oh brother.

BLAIR

Hello, Judge. Yeah, Uh-huh. Her adopted name is Natalie Green. Manhattan. September 2, 1966, so sheís a Virgo. (Pause) Thanks, Judge. And give my love to my mom, bye bye. (She hangs up) Heíll call right back. Some people at the Hall of Records only have a few favors, itís like my mother said, ďYou scratch my back, and Iíll scratch yours.Ē

TOOTIE

Your mom sure is terrific to do all of this scratching for us, especially since it isnít even our itch.

BLAIR

Just be thankful that my mother is between marriages.

(Molly walks in with a pad of paper and a pencil. Sue Ann comes downstairs)

MOLLY

Hey, you guys. I found this organization called ALMA. It helps adopted people track down their parents. But you have to be eighteen.

SUE ANN

Blair, youíre not going to go through with your stupid plan to find Natalieís mother, are you?

BLAIR

Sure, I just snipped some red tape and Iím waiting for the phone to ring.

SUE ANN

Donít you remember? Opening sealed records is against the law!

TOOTIE

Says who?

SUE ANN

Says Dinah Shore. And Charles Nelson Reilly agreed with her.

BLAIR

Donít be so naÔve. There are always loopholes.

MOLLY

And itís an unfair law. It deserves to be looped.

(The phone rings)

BLAIR

Well, this is it. (She goes to the phone as Nancy comes down the stairs) Hello? Yes, this is Blair Warner

NANCY

Is that Roger?

BLAIR

(To Nancy) Will you get out of here? (On phone) Excuse me, Judge.

SUE ANN

Nancy, itís not Roger, but I wish it was.

NANCY

Youíre after Roger, too? I thought you were my friend!

MOLLY

Itís not Roger, Itís just a judge helping us track down Natalieís real mother.

NANCY

Oh, thatís all?

BLAIR

(On phone) Thanks, Judge. Talk to you later. Goodbye.

TOOTIE

Well, come on! Whatís her name?

BLAIR

You mean their names. There were 34 baby girls born in Manhattan on Natalieís birthday.

TOOTIE

34? Is that all? Wow, it must have been a slow day.

BLAIR

Heíll call back in a minute. He thinks he can get the exact name.

SUE ANN

I still say youíre doing the wrong thing. But you did get further than I thought you would.

BLAIR

All it took as a little (Snaps her fingers) Warner magic!

(Cindy comes in with a package)

CINDY

Oh, Blair, this just came to you from your fatherís company, Warner Fashions.

BLAIR

Oh, terrific! (She opens the box)

CINDY

Now remember, I get to wear the 40ís look. You promised.

BLAIR

Wait Ďtil you see the wide shoulders. They are so terrifÖ. (She pulls out some sexy lingerie, in fact everything in the box in lingerie) What is this?!?! (The girls take out some intimate pieces)

TOOTIE

Hey! This is kinky!

BLAIR

No! No! NO! This must be some mistake! This couldnít be from my daddyís company!

SUE ANN

(Reading the tag) Oh yeah? ďWarner Fashions- Anre of Hollywood divisionĒ!

MOLLY

Anre of Hollywood? Isnít he the king of passion fashion?

CINDY

Yeah, I always read his ads in the magazines Iím not allowed to read.

BLAIR

No, this is supposed to be from the Warner Historical Department!

NANCY

I could make history in this baby. (Holds up a black nightie)

TOOTIE

Boy! I never saw a nightie that hadÖ. INSTRUCTIONS!!

(Blair puts the lingerie back in the box as fast as she can)

SUE ANN

Whatís the matter, Blair? Itís just a little more (Snaps) Warner magic.

NANCY

(Holding up lingerie with running lights) These must be called the Switched On Sizzlers! (Mr. Bradley, Mrs. Garrett and Natalie all walk in the front door)

MR. BRADLEY

I just canít understand how you can give Blair permission to search for Natalieís real mother.

MRS. GARRETT

Mr. Bradley, why donít you let me explain?

MR. BRADLEY

Youíd better explain! I had it with your permissiveness. This time, you have gone too far. (He turns around to see all the girls with the lingerie and Blair looks like she is busted. Mr. Bradley is shocked) I take that back. Youíve gone far too far. What is this?

MRS. GARRETT

Thatís NOT the school uniform. Uh, how do you turn that on? (Indicating the running lights nightie) Oh, donít tell me.

MR. BRADLEY

Anre of Hollywood? In Eastland?

MRS. GARRETT

Oh. Mr. Bradley! You can read that label across the room?

MR. BRADLEY

Donít change the subject.

MOLLY

Mr. Bradley, these arenít Blairís kinky panties. Theyíre her fatherís.

MRS. GARRETT

What???

CINDY

He doesnít wear them. He manufactures them. What a family tree!

MRS. GARRETT

Now, wait a minute, Wait a minute! Why are we talking about underwear? Weíve got a real problem here!

MR. BRADLEY

Natalie didnít have a real problem until you let Blair talk to that judge in New York.

BLAIR

Oh. Mr. Bradley, you canít blame Mrs. Garrett for that.

MR. BRADLEY

Blair, you are in enough trouble already. You opened up a can of worms that Natalie has to struggle with for the rest of her life.

MRS. GARRETT

Blair was just trying to be a friend. Her heart was in the right place, but I donít know where your head was!

MR. BRADLEY

Her head will be on a platter if she gets a hold of that Judge again.

MRS. GARRETT

Well, now sheís figured this out already by herself.

BLAIR

Itís too late, Mrs. Garrett.

MRS. GARRETT

What do you mean itís too late?

BLAIR

The judge will be calling here any minute, with the name of Natalieís real mother.

NATALIE

Already? Things sure are moving.

MR. BRADLEY

You can just forget it. Iím not letting you near that phone.

MRS. GARRETT

Well, thatís no solution. You canít keep her away from the phone forever.

TOOTIE

Thatís right. Judge Garfield is easy to get to.

SUE ANN

Sure, just ask Blairís mother.

MR. BRADLEY

I think you girls have helped Natalie enough. Now, why donít you go upstairs? (The girls get up, but Mrs. Garrett stops them)

MRS. GARRETT

Well, now, wait girls. Oh please, Mr. Bradley. Weíre all in on this. Let them stay. Come on. Natalie, you know you got two families already. Your real family at home and another one here, right?

GIRLS

Right.

MRS. GARRETT

Oh, Natalie, youíre just surrounded with love.

NATALIE

I know I have a lot of families, but shouldnít I be looking for my real parents?

MRS. GARRETT

Your mother and father are your real parents. They chose you to be their very own.

TOOTIE

Sure, they picked you from a cast of thousands.

MRS. GARRETT

Natalie, Iím sure youíve discussed this with your parents. What do they say?

NATALIE

Oh, they said my real parents were healthy. But I got to know more. Thereís an empty space inside of me. Iím incomplete.

BLAIR

Well, you wonít be when the call comes.

MRS. GARRETT

You donít feel incomplete because youíre adopted. You feel incomplete because youíre thirteen.Itís part of growing up.

CINDY

Yeah, Natalie. You donít have to be adopted to feel weird about yourself. Iím not adopted and I feel weird.

MRS. GARRETT

Donít you girls ever look at yourself in the mirror and say, ďWho am I?Ē Huh? Oh, come on! I remember I did it, hmmm?

MOLLY

I do

NANCY

Me too.

TOOTIE

See, youíre not the only one that feels different.

MRS. GARRETT

Anyone else?

MR. BRADLEY

Well, Iím only human. I donít let you girls see me as your leader, cool, detached, separated from the foldÖ.

MRS. GARRETT

Thank you, Mr. Bradley.

BLAIR

Okay, okay. Even I have my insecurities. Iím not talking about Daddy and his electric underwear.

MRS. GARRETT

Natalie, Iím not saying that you have special feelings and questions that you want to be answered. Iím suggesting that now isnít the right time to seek the answers. If you want to find your natural mother, perhaps theyíll be time for that when youíve done a little more growing. In the meantime, you have a mother at home with a special kind of loving she has for you. (She takes out a clipping) This is for you. Itís a poem I clipped out of a newspaper. Could have been written by your mother. ďNot Flesh of my flesh, Not Bone of my Bone, but still Miraculously, my own. Never forget for a single minute, you didnít grow under my heart, but in it.Ē

NATALIE

Thatís really nice, Mrs. Garrett.

(The phone rings)

TOOTIE

Here comes the judge.

MRS. GARRETT

I think itís for you, Natalie. Are you ready for it?

(Natalie gets up to go to the phone, but stops midway and thinks a minute, then turns back around)

NATALIE

Hey, how about everyone coming up to my room? We can finish some of momís seven-layer cake.

(The girls agree as they all go upstairs. Mrs. Garrett hugs Natalie as the episode ends)